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"Love is difficult," the poet Rilke explains in contrast to the sentimental way we like to think of it. We prefer to believe that love brings happiness, ease,Air Jordan Flight 9, companionship, or at least security. And, if love is present there should be no explosions, sharp edges, or potholes in its course. But this perspective trivializes love, makes it shallow and frivolous because we know life isn't like that and so love can't be that way either. And yet we're always trying to make it light and easy, something that anyone can do without developing the strength, commitment, and character required by what Rilke described as "the most difficult of all our tasks."
Excerpted from the book Sacred Selfishness: A Guide to Living a Life of Substance by Bud Harris, ? 2002 by Bud Harris. Published by Inner Ocean Publishing.
Growth is what life is about. And we must realize that when we're beginners in any new phase or activity, especially in something as difficult as the art of self-love; we must be willing to learn step-by-step, experience-by-experience. Otherwise it's too easy to fall into the popular way of thinking that there should be an easy answer, or that self-love can be a change in attitude rather than a journey. All too often we try to make ourselves think love should be easy, even exhilarating, because we've lost our ability to see that our dedication to a great work is rewarding no matter how challenging. Inner work is noble work and I've compared it to constructing a great cathedral or temple, a work that begins with building a solid foundation, and continues as we patiently add piece after piece. At the same time it has an ambitious design in mind, a purpose that combines work and beauty, and in this way it reaches beyond ourselves toward the heavens. Learning about love is also a great work, and inner work performed in the spirit of individuation is an expression of love.
I often get the feeling that self-love is a taboo in our society, something we think of as forbidden, profane,Air Jordan Cool Grey 11, or dangerous. We associate it with excess: We can't have just a little of it, or just enough either. It's all out, like shopping sprees and outlandish vacations. It's a misunderstood term that reflects how little we know about love. Self-love is the firm foundation that determines how strongly we can give love and receive love. Without it our structures of relationship will crumble under the pressure of the smallest storm. Self-love is neither selfish nor narcissistic. I have defined selfishness in its negative sense as being sickly, egotistic,Nike Jordan 11 Shoes, and self-centered, a hunger for power and affirmation that uses others for self-serving ends. Narcissism is also like selfishness in its negative form. It is self-infatuation, an obsession that actually reflects an inability to love oneself or anyone else.
I've also defined sacred selfishness as a second kind of selfishness that represents the opposite pole of how we usually think of selfishness. Sacred selfishness means making the commitment to become people of substance, people who are filled with gold, who aren't hollow or filled with lead. It's a commitment to building the footings that will support our growing capacity to give and receive love. Sacred selfishness leads to what Emerson referred to as "character -- a reserve force which acts directly by presence, and without means." We can see this kind of substance developing in Boss through Zorba's instruction. He taught Boss compassion by tenderly caring for a dying old woman who had grand illusions; cunning in the way he tricked a religious order into letting them use the monastery's land; courage in accepting the love of a beautiful widow and in recognizing his desire for her; ambition in the scheme he developed for harvesting the timber on Boss's land; to face death when the old lady died and when the widow was murdered; and finally to laugh when their plans for success failed. In each situation Boss learned to open and change himself and to engage in life in a new, more active way.