The Vice Guide To Getting Beaten Up

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S NOT SO BAD
First of entire, let's cut the bulls**t. Getting f**ked up actually wrong isn't that wrong. Thanks to the anesthetizing tendencies of adrenaline it's not even that painful. It's more a pain in the ass than anything. You know as soon as that snout bone cartilage snaps you are looking at a long and boring 12-hour wait in the emergency apartment. When somebody says,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], "I am going to f**king kill you," think of it extra as "I am going to audit you," for all he's really act is adding a huge heavenly thing to deal with into your next 24 hours. The truth is, the three-week-long pain of regretting that you pussied out is a perdition of a lot aggravate than the blunt nonpain of getting in a fight, so there's not need to be frightened. And hey,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], if you're that lull you might even win.
DON'T GO CRAZY
More fights are lost from the biophysical featuring of stress-induced labor than they are from lesser technique. In additional words, loosen. Exhale. Like you would because a bike break or an anal rape. If you can fight with as much brio behind five minutes (an eternity in fight period) as you can later 20 seconds,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], you ambition probably triumph.
STAY INSIDE
Bar fights are typically fought along drinkers. That namely, drunks. Play the odds: Boris might actually be drunker than you and the limitations of indoor fights can't be underestimated. There's the errant barstool either swung alternatively tripped over to mix entities up a bit, the strategic positioning of authentic friends who tin migrate in whether you're losing, and finally, the uncomplicated fact namely it's going apt be broken up in less than 10 seconds, leaving you free to pose, yell imprecations, and hope to god none takes you seriously when you hurrah, "Let me go! Let me work!"
CHOOSE YOUR BATTLES
You want to lose a fight? Start one. Every single fight I've elected I've lost. No one picks a fight they think they can lose, and overconfidence is your worst antagonist in a combat. If someone gooses your sister and you have to start a fight, attempt to shirk men with scarring around the eyes and the ears. Men sporting cauliflower ears and scar tissue on their eyebrows merely get that access from exercising.
BE INTO IT
The most major thing about fighting is to feel passionate almost it. That's why you had all those sick fantasies about that skinhead Pat O'Connor punching your mother in the abdomen. You realized a brawl based simply on boots wasn't ample to get you sufficiently amped. If you equitable accidentally scalded him with a cigarette, f**ked his antique lady, and smashed into his automobile, you might want to let this one go. He's got at fewest 3 nice causes to punt your ass and you have... well, none actually.
DON'T MAKE THAT STUPID POST-FIGHT FACE
That fake laugh guys do after they've been Ass-Kicked has got to go. It's the same face guys make when their girlfriend arrests them deceiving. It's the face of "The Complete and Total Inability to Deal With The Fact That You Might Be Thought to Be a Pussy." The most noteworthy thing about this face is what the guy says as he's production it―"Did you see that? The f**king guy sucker-punched me. What a bitch." Then, four hours after, you come back to the bar and you listen the guy boring some other meager bastard to decease with "The f**king guy sucker-punched me. Did you discern that?" Get over it. All you ought do after the fight is silently call him a chip of s**t and then go get a drink. You're not going to be competent to speak normally (feel your center) for at least dissimilar three minutes, so don't disturb trying.
DON'T GO TO THE HOSPITAL
Unless he removed an of your fingers, do not let the word out that you pissed off some guy so bad he put you in the hospital. Have a beer and settle down. Accept a fake phone phone on your cell and pretend you have to go. s**t, simulate you have to depart to go detect him merely you must do it ashore your own. Just make sure that NOBODY finds out you actually went to the hospital instead. If you get stitches, cover them with a huge Band-Aid and say you had to put it there because you we